Being A Friend

There are no deep insights into Scripture in this post. Just something that I need to get off my chest.

If you are a woman, you more than likely enjoy having friends. In fact, I think it is pretty safe to say that most ordinary women find friendship to be quite necessary, and will suffer if they find themselves lonely and isolated.

Christian women should never find themselves isolated and lonely. If they do, then the church is failing. Christian women should be the most welcoming, friendly, hospitable, outward reaching women in the community. We should be getting together and sharing deep, unusual friendships with each other so often that all of our non-Christian friends are jealous.

Unfortunately, I think the scenario I described above is rare. Perhaps you find yourself surrounded by a wonderful community of Christian sisters. Praise the Lord if that is the case. You may not realize how blessed you are.

I happen to live in a smallish town in the Bible Belt of America. There are literally churches on almost every corner in the town I live in. You would think that a young Christian woman moving here would find no lack of young Christian women eager to reach out and fold her into fellowship with them. But over and over again I hear differently. I hear of women who go to church and nobody asks them what their name is. I hear of women who have lived here for a year, all the while going to church, and have yet to be invited over to share a meal in another church member's home.

Shame on us.

I am forced to imagine that women who have lived in the same town for their entire life, and are surrounded by the friends they grew up with, have no idea what it feels like to need a friend. They have no idea what it means to be new in town and to feel lost and lonely, to go to church hoping to find friendships and companionship and leave every week feeling dejected and rejected. To listen to the women around them in Sunday School talk about parties and dinners together and wonder why nobody thought to include the new girl.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

Christian woman, let me tell you something. You might be the one who needs to extend yourself and reach out to that new face in town. It is going to cost you something. It is going to cost time and effort and emotional energy. You are going to have to risk being rejected. You are going to have to give up time with the people you already know and love, or perhaps put up with having an unfamiliar personality at your next gathering. It is going to cost you. But you MUST be willing to pay the price. It is an affront to the idea of Christian hospitality for you to leave people out and ignore them.

Or, you might be that new person in town who wonders why the Christians around you aren't acting like they ought. You, too, are going to have to reach out. It is almost certainly going to cost you something. You might very well be rejected by women who don't even understand how callous and uncaring they are being. You are going to have to feel your way through unfamiliar group dynamics and go to the effort of getting to know someone new. But you need other Christian women in your life, and the other women might not realize it yet, but they will be enriched by you too.

The town I live in happens to be the home of an Air Force base. And I've had the privilege of meeting and loving several women who are Air Force wives over the years. It is a story that always has a bitter sweet ending. All of them move away eventually and leave me with a little hole in my heart. But I am richer and wiser and fuller for having taken the time to develop friendships with them. And more than once they have expressed to me how glad they are that a 'local' woman was willing to take the risk of loving them. Because all too often, it doesn't happen.

That is a shame and a pity.

I think all of us women are tempted to sit at home and wonder why nobody calls us up and asks us to do something. It is easy to be lonely and feel sorry for yourself and how 'left out' you are. There is an simple solution to that kind of problem. Quit wishing for friends. Instead, be a friend. Be willing to make that phone call and extend the invitation. Be willing to let people into your home and show them that you might not be perfect. Take the chance, risk the rejection, and push the envelope. Be a friend. Because someone out there is feeling just as isolated and lonely as you are.

And that should never happen to a Christian woman.

Is It Wrong to Have Church Lust?

My husband and I ran away from home last weekend. It was a last minute trip that we hadn't planned on making. But when the opportunity to get away presented itself, it didn't take us long to decide where we should go--Savannah, Georgia.

Savannah is well known for many things. There is that Paula Dean woman who likes lots of fatty ingredients in her decadent, down-home cooking. There is River Street and the St. Patrick's Day festivities. Lots of parks and squares and a phenomenal historic district round out the picture. (Along with a peculiar trait of Savannah, namely that it is its own universe unto itself, and if you don't happen to belong to its universe, then you, quite frankly, don't matter all that much.)

But what you might not happen to know about Savannah, Georgia, is that it is home to one of the most amazing churches, EVER. It is not one of those churches that finds itself front and center on the national stage; there are no super-star pastors, no trend setting programs or mega facilities. Instead, what you will find is an historic, elegantly beautiful sanctuary, filled with a vibrant, multi-generational congregation, a high view of corporate worship, and solid, expository preaching.

I mean, we sang a Psalm. And the choir sang a Psalm. We sang the Gloria Patri, said the Lord's Prayer and the Apostle's Creed. And the sermon was from the book of Jude. When is the last time you heard a young pastor preach through the text of Jude, one of the more difficult books in the New Testament?

The Sunday School lesson was just as sound. An actual teacher stood up and actually taught from the Biblical text. The (full) class had an intelligent, deep discussion about the text. Interesting questions were raised from class members who obviously had a grasp of the contents of the Bible. It was, quite simply, astounding.

And the surprising thing was this--the congregation at this very large, very traditional, very historic church was as friendly as you can possibly imagine. We were greeted and spoken to every time we turned around. Sadly, not all churches are so welcoming of strangers. I've heard stories of people who were asked to move because they were "sitting in someones pew." Can you imagine?

I think that I am in love. Seriously, if someone from Savannah offered my husband a job, I would start packing and stick a "For Sale" sign out in our front yard. It was that good.

Independent Presbyterian Church. Savannah, Georgia. Is it wrong to lust after thee?

Teachers

You know how sometimes you will hear something, perhaps randomly, or as an afterthought during a conversation, and it will just stick with you for a long time? One of those things that you keep turning over and poking at in your mind during odd moments?

Well, I've had two things that keep coming back to my mind over the past year or so. Both of them involve women who are in what would be considered full time ministry, and both of these particular women are well known and 'successful' in their ministries. But from the lips of each of them, I have heard confessions that in my mind, should cause them to seriously consider their qualifications for standing up and presenting themselves as teachers.

One woman admitted that while she would often take to a stage at large gatherings of Christian women and dispense marital advice, her own marriage was in shambles, and ultimately ended in divorce. The second woman shared that she didn't bother to read the Scripture verses her ministry was founded on until several months after she began 'ministering.'

I'm trying not to be overly judgmental about either scenario, but they just keep coming back to my mind over and over again. Perhaps its because I spent the last year researching and teaching from the book of Ruth. I can tell you that I spent many nights wide awake in bed, with that verse from James thundering through my head.

James 3:1

"Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly."

I just don't think you should take that verse lightly. The thought of the regular kind of judgment should be enough to give each of us pause every single day and in every single aspect of our lives. (As Christians, we can live in the joy and security of knowing that we have already been declared righteous, or justified, before the judgment seat of God, but that should never make us presume upon grace or be careless in our pursuit of holiness.)

But then you throw in the thought of getting a stricter judgment and its enough to make a girl lose some sleep. At least this girl. A very kind friend reassured me one morning, when perhaps I was a little bit green around the gills before I stood up and taught, that God has grace even for the errors that we make as teachers. A wonderful thought, yes, but I still believe that all teachers should approach their task with soberness and careful consideration. Imagine leading a tender young believer down the wrong path! Who would ever want to live with such responsibility?

All that to say that I think we, as consumers of Christian teaching, need to exercise more discernment in who we will accept as teachers. In particular, the woman who admitted to giving marriage advice while she knew that her own marriage was deteriorating has struck me again and again as appalling. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that it is horrible that she had problems with her spouse, that is certainly common enough. But why, oh why, would anyone know that and then present themselves to the world as an example of a marriage to be emulated? Wouldn't you realize that doing so opens you, and the entire body of Christ, open to the merciless finger pointing of the non-Christian, of being called..."a big fat bunch of hypocrites, look at them, they talk about how much they care for marriage, and they get divorced just like the rest of us, who do they think they are?"

Well, I know (or I hope) that this woman is a sinner redeemed from the pit of destruction by grace alone through faith alone, and that whatever her failings might be, they are covered in the blood of our Great High Priest. But the world doesn't know that. And how many women who she dispensed advice to looked on her failed marriage as a cause to give up hope in their own circumstances? Or worse yet, follow her example and got divorced?

You know, the...'well if she, who is obviously so together and so righteous, because she stands up on a stage and says so, can't make a go of matrimony, then what hope is there for the rest of us regular slobs...' train of thought.

Oh, I forgot to mention this detail. After her divorce and subsequent remarriage, she continued in her original ministry.

It just makes me sad. And confused. Is there nobody who is willing to say, "We are very sorry for your troubles, but perhaps it would be better if you didn't expose yourself to stricter judgment by teaching about marriage from now on. Perhaps it would be wise instead to go home and press forward to the goal of being an excellent wife in the marriage that is most important--your own."

Human wisdom could point to all of the 'good' that she is doing in her public ministry. And yes, perhaps that might seem worthy. But again and again I have been confronted with how human wisdom fails to stand up to the wisdom of God found in Scripture. We almost always get it wrong when we rely on our own opinions.

Of course, there are no biblical requirements given for women who presume to be teachers. There are lots of very stringent requirement for men who presume to teach, shepherd and tend to God's flock. But at the very least, if a woman is gifted and has a desire to teach other women, shouldn't she have a personal life that is excellent in pursuit of holiness? Shouldn't she take the task seriously and with a healthy dose of the fear of the LORD?

And shouldn't we DEMAND such things? Not out of harsh condemnation or self righteousness, but out of love and concern for the woman who takes on the heavy burden of being held to a stricter judgment?

I for one think so.

And by the way, take some time to thank a woman who has been your teacher. You may not realize what a serious task she has undertaken, or what a serious responsibility it is that she has volunteered for. But most of all, insist that she be held to a high standard. For her own good.

Matthew 12:36

"But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

The Ecclesiastes of Housekeeping

A riff on Ecclesiastes 1:2-11.

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Mother.
“Utterly meaningless!
All this work is meaningless.”

What does a mother gain from all her labor under her roof?
One child goes off to school and one child remains home,
Yet lunch-making endures forever.
The dirty dishes rise in the sink, and the dirty dishes recede,
Yet they always hasten back to the stack, in need of scrubbing once more.
The dust settles on furniture and floor
Before it kicks up into the air;
Round and around it goes,
Whirling constantly throughout the house.
Dirty laundry spins in the machine,
Yet the mound of clothing never ceases.
From the place those grass-stained t-shirts came,
They will return to the pile again .
All the housework is wearisome,
More than a woman can say.
The eye always spots something out of place,
The ear always hears a dripping sink.

Nothing will change, it will all be the same,
It will all need doing again and again;
And there are no new gadgets that lighten the load.
Is there any invention of which it can be said:
“Look! Here is a new sponge”?
That sponge is the same as long ago;
Our mothers used it before our time.
There will be no end to the continual scrubbing.
Even our great-grandchildren will toil away.
And it will still be utterly meaningless!

This and That

I am in the midst of the second week of "The Summer of Fun" around here.

You see, starting in the fall, my family is going to be experiencing a milestone--a transition, if you will, which is going to change things around here quite a bit. And while it will be a good development (I believe all stages of life have a sweetness) it will also mark the end of an era that I have found to be particularly sweet. And in an attempt to savor the very last drops of sweetness in this current cup of mine, I have declared an all out extravaganza of fun and activity this summer.

Basically I'm going devour my kids all day, every day. I tell you this so you will understand why this post is going to be a few random, mostly underdeveloped thoughts strung together. You are just going to have to forgive me. I've been up to urgently important things, like reading piles of library books, and making up ridiculous knock-knock jokes. (Oh, if you only knew!)

But my mind hasn't completely given up the contemplation of Scripture over the past few weeks, and in that vein, allow me to present the following for your consideration:

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You know that verse, 2 Thessalonians 3:10, that says, "For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat."

I heard someone railing against the 'welfare state' in our country and using this verse to condemn it as unbiblical. Well, let me just say, I ain't taking a position on politics here, but a little bit of proper context seemed to me to be in order.

You do realize that Paul was addressing this statement to the church, right? Not the government. He was saying that church members must not be allowed to loaf around and sponge off of their fellow saints. Apparently some of the Thessalonians believed that Christ's second coming was so imminent that they gave up working and caring for their everyday responsibilities. Paul was having none of that, and said so. I don't think he had any kind of 21st century American political agenda in mind.

And by the way, all of that loafing led to some other problematic behaviors, as Paul goes on to list in verses 11 and 12. "For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread."

Busybodies. Every known one of those? Bet she didn't have enough work to keep her busy!

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I've been increasingly discouraged lately. I hesitate to blog about it, because it is so very negative, and I hate to fill this blog up with criticism. But I can't escape the awful realization that so many of my fellow Christians are by and large biblically illiterate and lack even the most basic level of discernment.

There, I said it.

And to add salt to the wound, I am specifically talking about people who have grown up in church, or have spent a majority of their life involved in church.

Now, before you go thinking what a snob I am and feel offended, let me add this: I have been there. I grew up in the church. I played the role of sweet-christian-do-gooder for a while. Not very well, I'll be the first do admit. But still, I do have some empathy for church attenders who don't know that much about Christianity and the Bible.

It's just that my empathy is starting to wear thin, and I'm thinking "Come on people! Do you believe this stuff at all? How can you believe the amazing, overarching message in Scripture and not be serious about it?"

Christian friends of mine tell me from time to time that they are not smart like me, and they just don't know as much as I do. Well, let me tell you something. I'm not all that smart! And I wasn't born knowing the things that I have come to understand. I have just taken the time to study and read and question and challenge and discuss. I've asked the hard questions and remained dissatisfied until I got an answer. I mean, if you understand that the God and Creator and King of the universe bore a curse, and became sin, and died in your place, how can you really be content without exploring Him and His revealed Word to the fullest understanding possible? It is quite simply the most fascinating topic in, well, the universe.

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So, I went blueberry picking a few days ago, and now my fridge is full of blueberries. I'm going to make a real, homemade blueberry pie tomorrow, and I an PUMPED!

While reading in quest of a great blueberry pie recipe, I happened upon this scintillating cooking tip: Cake batter cooks well in a waffle iron.

Are you imagining the possibilities? Cake batter waffles surrounded by a topping bar. Think of it! Ice cream and syrups and chopped nuts and whipped cream. I'm going to have to think of an excuse to throw a party.

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And finally, credit goes to my dear husband for pointing this one out to me.

In Romans 8:16 we read "The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,"

This is not only an internal assurance for each and every Christian that we indeed posses a true faith, but it is also a legal requirement for establishing the truth of a matter.

Deut. 19:15

"One witness shall not rise against a man concerning any iniquity or any sin that he commits; by the mouth of two or three witnesses the matter shall be established." (emphasis mine)

In the Romans verse, Paul is describing the two witnesses that will testify to our adoption as sons of God. The first witness is the Christian, and the second is the Holy Spirit. And by the testimony of these two--the truth of the matter is established.

House of Bread

For any of you who have been following the Ruth Bible Study that I've been teaching over the past year, you know that there are several things in the book of Ruth that point forward to Christ and His work.

In fact, two whole sessions, numbers one and four, deal specifically with this topic. Session one, in a nutshell, deals with Christ setting us free from the curse of the law. Ruth, being a Moabite, was specifically marked out by the law for exclusion in certain areas. Yet, despite this, she is an ancestor of Christ. I'm afraid you're going to have to listen to the whole lesson (roughly 50 minutes long) to get the whole picture on this point, as I simply don't have the time to type it all out again for this blog. Email me if you want the link to the Ruth Study.

Session four draws some parallels between the law of the kinsman-redeemer, personified in the book of Ruth by Boaz, and Christ as our kinsman-redeemer. In fact, the kinsman-redeemer is probably one of the most significant themes in the whole book of Ruth. Sadly, the importance of the role of the kinsman-redeemer seems to get minimized in our desire to create a fairytale romance between a "beautiful" Ruth and a "dashing" Boaz. (Session six debunks this scenario, again, I don't have time to type all of that out here.)

But there is another little detail in the book of Ruth that is often overlooked in its significance. It can be found in the very first verse.

Ruth 1:1

"Now it came to pass, in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehem, Judah, went to dwell in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons."

Notice that our story begins, and ultimately ends, in the sleepy little town of Bethlehem. Bethlehem is hardly famous as the setting of Ruth and Boaz's story, but rather for being the setting of another, more famous, story: the place where Mary gives birth to Jesus.

Before you let this detail go with a little, "huh, that's neat," and nothing further, let me tell you what the word Bethlehem actually means.

The literal translation for Bethlehem is "House of Bread."

OK, so what does that have to do with anything?

Perhaps I am making too much over a little connection I see between Bethlehem as the "House of Bread" and some of the events that unfolded there. I'll let you be the judge.

One would assume that if a place is named the House of Bread, then a great deal of bread must come out of there one way or another. And since we know that Bethlehem was a farming town, what with all of those fields that Ruth goes out to glean in and all that, this name seems to make perfect sense. But could there be more to it than that?

Remember that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. And consider what Jesus calls Himself in John chapter 6.

John 6:35

"And Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst."

Jesus, the bread of life, is born in Bethlehem, the House of Bread. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I tend to think there are few, if any, coincidences in Scripture. I think the name of Bethlehem had a double meaning from the beginning, but nobody would have realized it for a very long time.

Consider too the irony of Bethlehem, the House of Bread, at the beginning of the book of Ruth. A famine was consuming the land, and this in fact was the motivation behind Elimelech picking up and moving his little family to Moab, at which point Ruth, the Moabite, enters the story and ultimately, the lineage of Christ. The House of Bread was full of hunger.

But the bread of life, Christ Jesus, who was born in Bethlehem, the House of Bread, will erase all hunger forever.

Neat, huh?

Thank God for the Fleas

James 1:2-4

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, wheneve you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I stayed up way past my bedtime last weekend reading parts of Corrie Ten Boom's famous book, The Hiding Place. It describes her life and experiences in Nazi occupied Holland and then in a concentration camp. She and her family were instrumental in running an underground network to hide Jews from the authorities who sought to arrest them. I'm sure you realize what happened to the Jews if they were arrested.

If you have never read her book, I highly recommend it. It is written in an easy to read format, and although the content is far from an easy read, I believe that you will be rewarded in many ways for your effort.

Following are some excerpts from the book that I haven't been able to get out of my head.

We pick up the story as Corrie and her sister Betsie have been assigned their permanent beds at the Ravensbruck labor camp.

We followed our guide single file--the aisle was not wide enough for two--fighting back the claustrophobia of these platforms rising everywhere above us. The tremendous room was nearly empty of people; they must have been out on various work crews. At last she pointed to a second tier in the center of a large block. To reach it we had to stand on the bottom level, haul ourselves up, and then crawl across three other straw-covered platforms to reach the one that we would share with--how many? The deck above us was too close to let us sit up. We lay back, struggling against the nausea that swept over us from the reeking straw. We could hear the women who had arrived with us finding their places.

Suddenly, I sat up, striking my head on the cross-slats above. Something had pinched my leg.

"Fleas!" I cried. "Betsie, the place is swarming with them!"

We scrambled across the intervening platforms, heads low to avoid another bump, dropped down to the aisle, and edged our way to a patch of light.

"Here! And here another one!" I wailed. "Betsie, how can we live in such a place?"

"Show us. Show us how." It was said so matter of factly it took me a second to realize she was praying. More and more the distinction between prayer and the rest of life seemed to be vanishing for Betsie.

"Corrie!" She said excitedly. "He's given us the answer! Before we asked, as He always does! In the Bible this morning. Where was it? Read that part again!"

In glanced down the long dim aisle to make sure no guard was in sight, then drew the Bible from its pouch. "It was in First Thessalonians," I said. We were on our third complete reading of the New Testament since leaving Scheveningen. In the feeble light I turned the pages. "Here it is: 'Comfort the frightened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all...'" It seemed written expressly to Ravensbruck."

"Go on," said Betsie. "That wasn't all."

"Oh yes:"...to one another and to all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus--'"

"That's it, Corrie! That's His answer. 'Give thanks in all circumstances!' That what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!"

I stared at her, then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.

"Such as?" I said.

"Such as being assigned here together."

I bit my lip. "Oh yes, Lord Jesus!"

"Such as what you're holding in your hands."

I looked down at the Bible. "Yes! Thank You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here! Thank You for all the women, here in this room who will meet You in these pages."

"Yes," said Betsie. "Thank You for the crowding here. Since we're packed so close, that many more will hear!" She looked at me expectantly. "Corrie!" she prodded.

"Oh, all right. Thank You for the jammed, crammed, stuffed, packed, suffocating crowds."

"Thank You," Betsie went on serenely, "for the fleas and for--"

The fleas! This was too much. "Betsie, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea."

"'Give thanks in all circumstances,'" she quoted. "It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."

And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.

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Picking back up our story, Betsie has been placed on the light duty of a knitting brigade after an illness that required hospitalization (or what passed for hospitalization at the forced labor camp.)

Best of all, as a result of her hospitalization, she was given a permanent assignment to the "knitting brigade," the women we had seen the very first day seated about the tables in the center room. This work was reserved for the weakest prisoners, and now overflowed into the dormitories as well.

Those working in the sleeping rooms received far less supervision than those at the tables, and Betsie found herself with most of the day in which to minister to those around her. She was a lightning knitter who completed her quota of socks long before noon. She kept our Bible with her and spent hours each day reading aloud from it, moving from platform to platform.

One evening I got back to the barracks late from a wood-gathering foray outside the walls. A light snow lay on the ground and it was hard to find the sticks and twigs with which a small stove was kept going in each room. Betsie was waiting for me, as always, so that we could wait through the food line together. Her eyes were twinkling.

"You're looking extraordinarily pleased with yourself," I told her.

"You know we've never understood why we had so much freedom in the big room," she said. "Well--I've found out."

That afternoon, she said, there'd been confusion in her knitting group about sock sizes and they asked the supervisor to come and settle it.

"But she wouldn't. She wouldn't step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?"

Betsie could not keep the triumph from her voice: "Because of the fleas! That's what she said, 'That place is crawling with fleas!'"

My mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie's bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for.

I have nothing so difficult as fleas to thank God for. But I'm going to start thanking Him for a few other things that I can see no use for.